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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23457589">Hey Little SongBird-v</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuiteyfruity/pseuds/AdventurousScientist'>AdventurousScientist (Tuiteyfruity)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mystic Woods [13]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Enchanted Forest Chronicles - Patricia Wrede, Mystic Woods, Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fairy Tale Elements, Fairy Tale Logic, Fairy Tale Parody, Fairy Tale Style, Fantasy, Gen, Mind the Tags, Non-sexual vore, Soft Vore, Vore, fairytale, gt vore, gtvore, safe vore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 15:15:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,942</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23457589</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuiteyfruity/pseuds/AdventurousScientist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Premise: A bard is in desperate need of a story. Can he sing his way out of being eaten by the evil giant wizard known as Yonah HaEsh? Well. No. But perhaps he can sing his way out of the wizard’s stomach? A fun little adventure for sure. </p><p>Story is First Person (The Bard’s) POV. He’s a expressive narrator. </p><p>Warnings: big Fear.play during the vore scene! This is a thief style story. Yonah,  if you don’t know, is very convincing when he says he kills people. And because he has no quick and easy safety spell, his treats sometimes end up a little bit well, not di.ges/-ted but slight skin irritation happens from time to time. Yes some pain, but no permanent harm! Yonah’s very practiced at making sure they are A-OK!</p><p>Ok onto the story!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mystic Woods [13]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1563316</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Hey Little SongBird-v</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>—</p><p>I hate the stereotype of bards being horny tricksters who use their voices to seduce people into infidelity. Any such stories are complete poppycock and base slander. Bards are more than pretty faces and lovely voices. We are first and foremost story tellers, entertainers! Actors and chroniclers! Often risking life and limb to get you the stories you love so much. Those fancy sword moves and fight dances you see on stage aren’t just for show.  </p><p>But still. Going into the Mystic Woods in search of my next story was not a great idea. Solo-ing an adventure into such a dangerous realm was asking for death, with no one around who could tell of it. And yet, I had run out of new material and was desperate. Why didn’t I just purchase rights from another bard through the guild, you might ask? Clever, very clever, but that’s what low rankers do. The Apprentices, the Journeyers. Not Masters such as I. </p><p>At least, not ones who are blacklisted from the guild for not properly crediting a story. How was I to know it wasn’t public domain! It seemed pretty generic to me. </p><p>Another problem with being blacklisted? No one wants to adventure with you. Not anyone high ranking enough to help me anyways. </p><p>Regardless, to earn back my place in the guild I needed a new story, an impressive story. So I gathered my supplies and took the first teleport to the City of Luster, closest city in the Kingdom of Orr to the Mystic Woods. Sure, other cities exist at its borders, but Luster is the only one with a direct path into the Woods. A path that is safe, to a point. </p><p>It’s also a great place to get a few last minute supplies. For example, a small ukulele. My previous instrument, my precious goldenrod Oud, was repossessed by the guild. I needed something cheap and lightweight. And also I was banned from purchasing from most craftsfolk because, and I’m sure you’re tired of hearing this, I’m Blacklisted. </p><p>Luster is so large that I was able to find the ukulele in a pawn shop. I wasn’t after a ukulele, that’s just what was there. </p><p>Right! I was ready to go.  </p><p>Whistling the first ever song I wrote, and tuning my new old ukulele, I set off down the road. </p><p>And Into the Woods. </p><p>—</p><p>Maybe I should lower my standards? Surely the guild won’t be too hard on me?</p><p>Or perhaps it would just take more than a day and night in the woods to find a story. </p><p>The first day I found some gnomes preparing for a small feast of the half-moon glory. I was confident that something would happen at the party. Something had to go wrong, and maybe a hero—maybe I—would save the day! Or night, as it would be night. No such luck—it was a very nice celebration, absolutely no issues. Wasted a day!! </p><p>Not that I’m on a time limit. </p><p>The gnomes were so nice, and they made the most delightful floral scented cakes. They enjoyed my songs and tales about heroic gnomes and I left their camp with a flower crown and a sack of cakes. </p><p>I felt like today I would find a story! </p><p>Nope. </p><p>In this forest of wonder and magic and monsters and secrets, I ran into nothing. I even played music to attract trouble but Nooooooooo, guess even the beasts of the woods knew I was blacklisted! </p><p>It was late afternoon when I found some interesting deer tracks and decided to follow. </p><p>Bards aren’t known for our stealth but I’m going to tell you a secret. What’s the guild gonna do! Blacklist me? </p><p>Anyways the secret is: certain Bards learn to play notes and pitches that cancel out our footsteps and create silence. </p><p>I followed the prints to find a small herd of very interesting deer! </p><p>They had really interesting patterns, each one slightly different but only if you looked closely. That meant I needed a closer look. </p><p>So focused on the deer I didn’t watch my feet and I tripped. The deer ran off. </p><p>“HEY!” a shrill voice called from somewhere in the trees, “What did you do that for?”</p><p>No idea who was yelling at me but I was taking no chances, and like the deer I bolted. But not fast enough, not nimble enough. </p><p>An arrow shot by my leg and stuck in the ground. I stopped. And stood perfectly still. </p><p>“Idiot.” the voice was now right behind me! </p><p>I turned. And looked down. It was an elf! With plum purple skin and dark green hair. </p><p>And they were laughing. </p><p>Then another elf fell from the trees to land silently next to the first. This one had dark green skin and straw yellow hair. Their long ears were standing straight up reaching higher than my eyes. </p><p>They were laughing too.</p><p>“What’s so funny?”</p><p>“You responded to ‘idiot’!” Said the purple one. </p><p>Ugh. Elves!!</p><p>Then they got suddenly more serious. </p><p>“Can’t believe it! We’ve been hunting those deer before the sun even rose and you happened to trip when we got them in our sights!”</p><p>“I’m… sorry?” </p><p>The second elf elbowed the first, “He couldn’t have known we were there, Damian! Not his fault!” She spoke in elvish but I’m fluent. </p><p>The first elf, Damian, looked up and half groaned half sighed, “and I suppose, Bridget, that I should apologize to the human for almost shooting him?”</p><p>I don’t know why I spoke up but I did. </p><p>“It was an impressive warning shot!”</p><p>Damian’s ears stood up again then folded back and a little red flush appeared on the purple cheeks. As did on Bridget’s but for a different reason. </p><p>“Yes. Warning shot,” they said. </p><p>This time I managed to keep my mouth shut. Not a smart idea to quip about an elf’s hunting prowess. I still wasn’t happy to learn they were trying to shoot me! </p><p>“You’re an adventurer?” Asked Bridget. “What’s your name?</p><p>“A bard!” I said. “I’m, um, Ophir!” </p><p>“Need a place to stay tonight, Ophir?”</p><p>The shadows were lengthening, I hadn’t noticed. And then my stomach growled. </p><p>“I sure do. But are you sure? I mean I did scare the deer-“</p><p>Damian shouldered their bow and nodded, “It wouldn’t be very elven to leave a stranger in the woods.”</p><p>Even not hunting they moved so silently I couldn’t take my eyes off them as I followed them to their village. We stopped by the temple, as it is the respectful thing to do when entering the village. It was set up for fall, done up in browns and oranges and paper chains. On the altar was a single brown leaf. The first one seen by a member of the village. </p><p>I’m not elvish but I still prayed to Autumn for my hometown to have a bountiful harvest. </p><p>I sat on the floor in the common dining hall as my new… friends, sat on stools made of tree stumps. They may not have caught any deer but there was some sort of roasted meat concoction wrapped in sugary leaves, crystallized to give it crunch, making a sweet and savory combination I’d never experienced before. The same sugar crispy leaves were used to scoop a sort of nut and vegetable curry. Delightful! I could write a song just about the food. </p><p>I of course told them why I was in the woods, since they were curious. </p><p>And they told everyone how I tripped and fell, exaggerating it greatly. All the elves laughed but knowing elves I was better off. They enjoyed slapstick comedy. The fact that I was able to laugh at myself seemed to gain me favor. </p><p>One elf, with lighter green skin and dark brown hair laughed like the rest and yet, their eyes were deep in thought. They were a strange one, I think. Even by elf standards they had a strange name. </p><p>Jacuzzi? Who names themselves Jacuzzi?</p><p>Then they spoke. </p><p>“So, Ophir, you need a story?” They asked. I nodded.</p><p>“I think I can help you,” they said, “at the very least point you in the right direction.” </p><p>At their words a lot of the company got quiet. </p><p>“If you’re that desperate, there’s,” they paused, as if they were still considering whether or not to tell me. “A wizard. If you encounter him, you’re sure to get a proper story.”</p><p>I couldn’t think why this made the elf act so strange, plenty of mages made it their job to participate in tales. Though, with wizards they were usually evil, if not a member of an adventuring party. Nonetheless! A story about a wizard sounded fantastic. </p><p>“Where does-“ I stopped myself from finishing that stupid sentence. Nowhere in the Mystic Woods stayed put so asking for directions was complete folly. </p><p>“What’s the best way to, uh, find him?” </p><p>Jacuzzi shrugged “The birds have the most up to date information. But you’ll know it’s his place when you find the tower in the garden.”</p><p>Lots of wizards had towers, few had gardens. That was more of a witch thing. </p><p>“He’ll be there? Tonight?”</p><p>“Probably, he can’t- well he’ll be there. If not tonight then by the morning. Don’t mess with his things.” </p><p>Sound advice. </p><p>“Hold on tonight?” Damian re-entered the conversation. “Are you mad? Traveling the forest at night is dangerous! Especially alone.”</p><p>“So? I’m trying to get into trouble. Doesn’t make a difference if I find it at the tower or on my way.” </p><p>My confidence wasn’t entirely fake. I had a good meal, I wasn’t tired. I could knock this out by morning! </p><p>“Thank you, for everything.” </p><p>I swear I heard giggling as I departed. If these elves were pulling one over on me well! I don’t know what I would do but I’ll think of something. I had a wizard to find. </p><p>It wasn’t long before I realized why I should have waited for morning. </p><p>No! Birds! </p><p>From whom could I ask directions? A rodent? They were never as helpful. The sun was about to set. It was only early autumn, the days were still a decent length, but it would be dark real soon. No birds, no people. </p><p>Wait. I spoke too soon. There were footsteps. It was a slim chance but maybe they could help me. </p><p>“Young man, what are you doing? Don’t you know it’s dangerous to be out at night alone?”</p><p>The voice had a deep and soft quality that wasn’t human. But they were speaking Orrian. Really folks, dont meet strangers in the forest that you can’t see. They’re usually evil witches or sorcerers or cyclops ogres. Yeah, one-eyed ogres are skilled talkers, luring people to them. It was only after I answered I realized this could be an ogre. </p><p>“Aren’t you out alone too?”</p><p>“Why yes-” the voice was closer and then I saw them. </p><p>Thankfully it wasn’t and ogre. But it was a witch, and a dwarf one. Uncommon. Probably not evil. It did explain why they were confidently out at night. Dwarves had pretty amazing night vision. They had the traditional black robe and hat, and a cat sat down beside them. It was a really large cat, which was amusing next to the short witch. Their long braided beard was decorated with trinkets, which was a quaint look I must admit. </p><p>“But I live here.”</p><p>I stood up straight, which I guess was a bit rude. </p><p>“How do you know I don’t?” I stammered, “I could!”</p><p>The dwarf stroked their beard, “I guess it’s possible, do you?”</p><p>I sighed and slouched, “No…”</p><p>“But I am looking for trouble.” I explained my story and the dwarf listened, smiling kindly. </p><p>“So the elves told me I would be guaranteed a story if I found this wizard who has a tower and a garden-”</p><p>The witch’s eyebrows raised. </p><p>“- you know this wizard?”</p><p>The cat mrowed loudly, his tail swishing on the forest floor a bit faster. </p><p>“I do indeed,” there was an extreme fondness in their voice. </p><p>“And you know where he is?”</p><p>The witch laughed, “I’d say this was coincidence, but in these parts there are too many of those to be truly coincidental. I do in fact know the current location, and it’s close by.”</p><p>“Really!” I almost danced with excitement. </p><p>Unlike the elves the dwarf had no hesitations. They pointed me in the right direction, and informed me of a few roadblocks and landmarks. </p><p>“If you hurry you should be just in time for dessert,”  they said, waving as I wasted no more time in heading off. </p><p>“Thanks so much!” I turned on my lantern and my back on the witch. </p><p>Oh if I had only thought about the implications of their last words to me. </p><p>Hilarious. In hindsight. </p><p>Nevermind that now, I’m sure you’re already laughing. Hahaha. </p><p>Finding the tower was easy with the witch’s directions. They’d even told me the thorns were fake and the vines safe to climb up. That should have raised red flags, or some color, but I was so focused on achieving my goal. </p><p>Now, we bards aren’t really known for our… physical abilities beyond dance. We can fight sure, but a fifty-foot climb is gonna leave most bards gasping for breath. I’m proud to say I was merely on the cusp of wheezing, though I was having difficulty standing. </p><p>I needed to rest. So I lay on the windowsill. </p><p>Which I failed to notice stretched so that I could more than easily lie down.  The cool night air and stone felt so nice. I looked into the tower. </p><p>And my heart stopped. </p><p>I’d gotten a brief glimpse before nearly passing out, but it was different now. </p><p>Exactly the same. </p><p>But. </p><p>Bigger. </p><p>You might know, my readers, that wizards are all human. All of them. Non-humans aren’t allowed to attend the academy. I’m sure those like I, being a quarter fairy, might be let in, but… This- this giant sized workshop didn’t make any sense. A giant could not be a wizard no way. Why would the elves say this was a wizard’s tower? Did they not understand the difference between wizard, witch, and sorcerer?</p><p>But the dwarf witch, they had to know! They had not corrected me. Plus, the workshop did have a very wizard feel to it.</p><p>What was going on here? </p><p>I needed a moment to process so I rolled over to look outside. Looking inside made my head hurt. </p><p>But a Giant Wizard. If that were real, what a story! If it were fake, then well, a giant mage is still exciting. I looked once more into the room. Three desks, one for material prepping and alchemy, one that looked like the main workbench, and one… like a spare workbench? It was not very organized compared to the other. And shelves full of things I could not identify. </p><p>And on the floor, an open trap door with stairs leading down. Down to where the wizard must be. </p><p>I was thankful I had noticed the shift in scale, or I surely would have fallen 15 feet onto the floor. Instead I got out my grappling hook and rope and rappelled down. With a flick, the hook dislodged. This place was large, I would need it again. </p><p>I could have spent hours in this room, just taking in the immense magical collection, but that wasn’t why I was there. And I heard noises from down the stairs. Water? Clinking metal? I took each stair one at a time, slowly making my way deeper into the tower. </p><p>Either the kitchen just happened to be one floor down or this stairwell was enchanted to take you to the floor you were thinking about. For just as I reached the landing I saw the massive doorframe that led into what was clearly a kitchen and small dining room. Small for the giant, who was at the sink washing pots, pans, and other things. </p><p>He certainly looked like a wizard! A tall wide brimmed hat with a curling point, and robes that matched the garish colors and patterns. He had a neatly trimmed goatee and mutton chops, and long curly black hair tied behind his back. On his handsomely large nose rested thick square spectacles. Not only was he tall, he was just plain large. </p><p>I know I talked about the false stereotypes of bards, but we weren’t the only profession with them. People tended to think of Wizards as more delicate, as they spent all their time studying, never going out, forgetting meals. But this, man, for he looked more human than giant except for being over 20ft tall, well the only word for it was burly. </p><p>I’d never imagined a wizard who, if you removed his wizard robes, put him in a flannel shirt and handed him an axe would be a picture perfect lumberjack. Now such a wizard was right before my very eyes. </p><p>Suddenly I was not so confident. I should have lost my nerve back at the window, when I saw the scale of the workshop. But it just didn’t hit me until I saw the giant. I’ve seen giants before, they are actually larger than this person, that made him seem more dangerous. </p><p>Oh. </p><p>Oh no. </p><p>This wasn’t just any wizard, or any giant. </p><p>This one was evil. </p><p>Maybe I could just leave! Yeah. I would just get the fuck out of here. I was not prepared to handle an evil giant wizard. </p><p>I made my decision a bit too late. The giant stopped cleaning a plate to look up and sniff the air. </p><p>Shit. </p><p>It was futile to run, but it was my only option. I didn’t even make it up two stairs before the giant roared with delight. </p><p>“FEE FI FO FUM!”</p><p>No no no! Not that! </p><p>“I SMELL THE BLOOD OF THE HUMAN KIND!” </p><p>Well technically I was quarter fairy but-</p><p>“IT MATTERS NOT THE THINGS YOU STOLE, I’LL CAPTURE YOU AND SWALLOW YOU WHOLE.”</p><p>Yeah… I should not have come here. Evil giants tend to eat people. I’d had a small hope that this smaller giant, who was very likely a proper wizard, wouldn’t.</p><p>He made it to the stairwell in a few seconds and scooped me up in one hand, holding me up to his face. </p><p>“How convenient,” he smiled, revealing very giant-like fangs. His breath was horrible. “I was just thinking I needed some dessert.”</p><p>I cursed the witch from earlier. They knew! They knew he would want to eat me! But the witch wasn’t here, wasn’t my problem right now. </p><p>“Please! Mister Wizard, I did not steal anything, I am no thief! I’m a bard!”</p><p>The giant raised his eyebrows, but did not set me down, instead he turned and walked down the stairs. </p><p>“A bard?” he asked, “what’s your name?”</p><p>“Ophir Shel Peh!” I said.</p><p>The giant tapped his chin. “Hm. Yes I would say you probably are a bard! I don’t get many of those.” </p><p>The room he entered was some sort of living room. But I didn’t really have the capacity to take in any details other than the chair that he sat down in. </p><p>“I wonder if bards taste any different from thieves!” he said with excitement that made my heart drop to my feet. </p><p>“Please, please don’t eat me!” I begged. “I just wanted a story!”</p><p>“Hm,”he placed me on the coffee table but did not let me go. Instead he started removing my gear, everything except my clothing. Things were going from bad to worse. “What do you mean?”</p><p>I didn’t have much hope of surviving but he wasn’t eating me just yet, and he was clearly open to conversing. </p><p>“Well! Either I would tell the tale of my adventure here, or, you could give me a tale, perhaps in exchange for something?”</p><p>The giant laughed, “you came here on your own to challenge me? So you could tell your tale?”</p><p>I nodded. </p><p>“Very foolish,” he growled, “But I could tell you a story.”</p><p>“Really?!” </p><p>“Not that you would ever get to tell it.” he continued, “since I’m going to eat you.”</p><p>He sounded like he’d really made up his mind about that. But the longer he talked the more time I had to think of a way out of this. I didn’t want to point out that him eating me defeated the purpose of him telling me a story in the first place. </p><p>“It’s a good one too. Surely you were surprised to find me a half-giant and wizard.”</p><p>I nodded again, a bit more dumbfounded. Half giant explained a lot already. </p><p>“But if I tell you how I ended up here, you must promise not to tell it until his mystical majesty is dead. Or I am.”</p><p>What?</p><p>“Are you dying?”</p><p>The giant looked wistful. “No. But I’m a villain. I could die any day. The next person who comes into my tower could be the one who kills me.”</p><p>“And you’ll finally get what’s coming to you I guess,” I said. “Like I’ll even be able to tell it since I’ll be one of your victims.” </p><p>The giant laughed, “oh yes, of course. Cause I’m going to eat you! Like I have many others before.”</p><p>Great. I shouldn’t have said anything. </p><p>He scooped me up again and placed me on the armrest. Then he let me go. But i didn’t dare try to run. </p><p>“I guess I could start at the beginning, when I decided to become a wizard.” he mused, “The life story of Yonah HaEsh.”</p><p>He leaned back, looking up at the ceiling, and then down at me. </p><p>“How foolish I was. I mean obviously I succeeded but it was still foolish.” </p><p>You know how I said I would spend the time while he rambled to think of a way out of this? Well his story was certainly long enough. Gods, wizards don’t leave out details! They have no concept of narrative flow! </p><p>And yet. It was riveting. His human father was a fire witch and that got him interested in magic. So he disguised himself as human to attend school. He was found out eventually, expelled and arrested for infiltrating the kingdom as a dangerous magical monster. He was almost executed before he was offered a job here in the tower! And amazingly, the Grand Master of the school had taken pity on him and allowed him to continue his studies here and graduate, earning the right to call himself a wizard. </p><p>The point is I forgot about escaping. Until he started to wrap up his story. </p><p>“Never intended to become evil. But it suits me!” He said brightly. </p><p>That brought me back to reality. Evil. Giant! </p><p>I was in his hand again, not so tightly this time but still secure. Face to face. He was smiling again and chuckling.</p><p>“Especially since it means I get to eat people!”</p><p>“You’re so surprised you’re evil but I’m not!”</p><p>I think he knew I was stalling more but didn’t care. </p><p>“How so?”</p><p>“You spent years among smallfolk! You have smallfolk friends! And you’re perfectly fine eating us?”</p><p>He snorted “it was smallfolk that expelled me from school, that nearly executed me for trying to learn magic! And for trapping me here, in my tower. Make no mistake, this gilded cage is still a cage.” </p><p>There really was no going back. </p><p>“Now your time’s up, and I’m hungry.”</p><p>I still screamed! Who wouldn’t! I was sure he was going to have to bite me in half to eat me even if his earlier proclamation was to swallow me whole. </p><p>I barely fit in his mouth, ribs pressed into his lower teeth and it hurt! His saliva soaked me through so quickly I could only imagine how good I tasted. I tried to brace myself on his teeth but my hands slipped between the jaws. Even more distressing he was definitely enjoying my struggles and flavor. </p><p>Then I was upside down! And even in the tight space I slipped towards his throat. I put my hands forward to try and stop but it was so slick they slid down into his throat, along with my shoulders, as he swallowed. </p><p>The air was crushed out of my lungs and I dared not scream. It was hard, as I knew where I was headed, and I was surrounded by hot rubbery flesh that shoved at me, eager to get me to my destination. </p><p>A massive throbbing against my face told me I was passing by his heart. It was at this point he took another swallow and my feet slipped into his throat, my hands… they touched air. Thick. Hot air. </p><p>And then so did my face and I made the mistake of gasping for breath. As the air smelled of vomit, and I remembered the wizard was cleaning up from dinner when I arrived. I was smelling the remains of that meal. Oh gods if he had eaten me right away I would have been sitting in food! It was a small bit of reprise, I guess. That the giant decided to talk for a couple of hours. </p><p>My feet were still in the esophagus when my face pressed against the opposite wall of the stomach. It was slimy like I couldn’t believe! I pulled my feet free and oriented myself so that I was sitting upright. </p><p>This must be what it feels like to be kidnapped in a sack. A sack that was going to be dunked in acid. </p><p>“You awake in there?” said a deep rumbling voice from above, and I felt a sharp nudge. Great. He wasn’t done with me, and I failed a bit in protest. “Ha! That’s better, I go through all the trouble of swallowing you down, the least you can do is struggle and scream a bit.”</p><p>“If I do that, I’ll run out of air quicker!” I squawked. Though I suspected I would start crying soon enough. Either just out of despair or because of the pain. </p><p>I wasn’t feeling anything yet except for slime and heat, so it wasn’t likely to be a quick death. Depending on how long it took for digestion to work on a whole human, I might run out of air and pass out first. That would be nice, less painful. Unconscious I would feel nothing. I would much prefer that- oh. </p><p>“Mr Wizard,”  In that moment I’d forgotten his name, thought I wouldn’t need it if I was going to die.</p><p>Another jab at my side. “Yes, my tasty little bard?”</p><p>“Can I make a final request?” </p><p>The entire chamber squished and bounced a bit, and I imagined the giant heaving a sigh and sitting back in his chair. </p><p>“That depends on the request.”</p><p>“I- I want to sing one last song. But I need my ukulele, can you-” I kind of shuddered, but it wasn’t like an heirloom or something, “swallow it for me?”</p><p>There was a long pause, or it felt long because my timeline was now so short. </p><p>“I’m not a fan of eating objects,” he said, then heaved another sigh, “but I suppose I can do that.”</p><p>I felt him lean over and then heard a sickening gulp. If I was going to die I was going to die singing with an instrument in my arms!</p><p>I plucked a few cords and shook out as much of the drool as I could. </p><p>“Your voice isn’t magical is it?” Asked the giant as I tuned the ukulele.</p><p>I smiled “No, it is. I’ve got some Fey ancestry. Never really tested its power. Mostly I’ve played monsters to sleep. Or made a crowd cry with an opening line. People tell me that when I weave a tale it’s as if they were there first hand. Not so useful when you’re already eaten.” </p><p>Unless he’s so moved by my song that he takes pity. But I didn’t say that out loud. </p><p>“Well, just make it a nice song. I’ve got sensitive ears.”</p><p>Ok… I had a momentary thought of singing so loudly and so sharply that his ears bled. But then I realized he was making a threat. He could make my death much much worse. My original song was fine. </p><p>I strummed the ukulele, it sounded so odd in the stomach. And maybe it couldn’t penetrate out so well. I used a little magic to boost it. I don’t always use magic, except for my naturally magical voice, but I figured… </p><p>This would be my last performance. And it would be for my murderer. Still, I was compelled to make it a good one. </p><p>I’d already made it through the first instrumental bars, and I took a breath of the rancid air. </p><p>-</p><p>In the quiet mystic morning </p><p>When the sun’s just graced the land</p><p>O’er the horizon, lies a story</p><p>And it begs to take my hand</p><p>Now that summer’s ceased its gleaming</p><p>And the harvest’s past its prime</p><p>In adventure i’ve found meaning</p><p>But I’ll be homeward bound in time </p><p>Bind me not, to the pasture</p><p>Chain me not to the town</p><p>Set me free to find my calling</p><p>And I’ll return to you somehow</p><p>-</p><p>As the first instrumental break started I turned my attention to the giant’s response. It was hard to evaluate from inside of him. As far as I could tell, I wasn’t hitting my mark. </p><p>-</p><p>If you find it’s me you’re missing</p><p>And you’re hoping I’ll return</p><p>To your thoughts I’ll soon be listing </p><p>On the road I’ll stop and turn</p><p>-</p><p>It was starting to hurt a bit now, I hadn’t noticed it at first since when I perform I tend to feel all floaty and numb, but now pain penetrated my fog. I directed it into my voice and I cried out. </p><p>-</p><p>For the wind has set me racing</p><p>As my journey now begins</p><p>To leave the path I’ll be retracing</p><p>When I’m homeward bound again</p><p>Bind me not, to the pasture</p><p>Chain me not to the town</p><p>Set me free to find my calling</p><p>And I’ll return to you somehow</p><p>-</p><p>The second, and last, instrumental break. Did I feel shaking around me? Was this working? Breathing was becoming harder, my skin stung. My shoulders, elbows, and knees ached too, this was a horrible position. The fluid level was rising. But I didn’t stop. I would finish this song. </p><p>I was practically sobbing at this point but my song rang out. </p><p>-</p><p>In the quiet </p><p>Mystic morning</p><p>When the moon has gone to bed</p><p>When adventure’s lost its meaning…</p><p>I’ll be homeward bound</p><p>Again</p><p>-</p><p>With the last few notes from my mouth, I gripped the ukulele so hard it almost cracked. </p><p>Then the chamber jerked. I heard heavy breaths. Again. Was that a sniff?</p><p>Was he crying? Please. Gods of music. </p><p>“Dammit,” he hissed and sniffed again, “Fine. I’m letting you go. Stupid bard.”</p><p>My brain was so frozen with elation I couldn’t actually believe it until it was happening. Not until I was physically forced back up the way I’d come. I slid out of the giant’s mouth and into shallow warm water. I took deep breaths of the clean air. And Yonah continued to retch as I got my bearings.</p><p>We were back in the kitchen, I was in the sink! Wait where was- The giant let out a horrible sound like a cat with a hairball and with a plop, my ukulele joined me in the bath. </p><p>Now Yonah looked at me, eyes red and puffy, some tear streaks down his face. Though he had just violently thrown up. </p><p>“Congratulations, Ophir the bard,” he spat, but he was grinning, “You have your story.”</p><p>I- I blinked in astonishment. He was right. I’d trekked through the woods, hung out with gnomes, got led to my near doom by elves and a witch, and sang so sorrowfully I made the evil man-eating giant cry and let me go. </p><p>“Th-thank you-” I said, and I let him help me out of the sink and onto a towel to dry. </p><p>“I should be thanking you!” he said. “Dessert and entertainment all in one!”</p><p>The fact that he still thought of me as food wasn’t reassuring but I didn’t think he was going to eat me again. In fact, Yonah’s entire demeanor had changed, he wasn’t so harsh looking, his voice was softer. </p><p>“Would you like some tea? That helps after a near-death experience.”</p><p>He didn’t wait for my response but went to get the tea leaves and pot.   </p><p>“Hold on!” I said, but he didn’t stop making tea. “Did you even intend on killing me?”</p><p>He smiled as he put the pot on the stove and lit it with a snap of his fingers and a flash in his eyes. </p><p>“No, not really, you’re not a thief.” Yonah laughed at some joke that only he got. </p><p>“So why-” I mean he could have gotten me to sing before swallowing me whole. </p><p>“Your fairy blood.” I looked confused, “I could smell it on you, sweet and magical. I wasn’t going to pass up such a special treat.”</p><p>If there was a god who could erase horrifying knowledge from the mind I would have prayed to them. </p><p>“Then- did my song do anything?” I choked like I was back in his stomach, unable to breathe. </p><p>It was clear he saw the distress in my face, that I was not as good a bard as I thought I was. </p><p>“My tears were real, little bard. I didn’t expect to be moved so much. Even if I had meant to kill you… you might have convinced me otherwise.”</p><p>The teapot whistled and he went to take care of it. I sat down. I was so lucky. Had the elves known he would spare me? Was that why they were laughing? This was some convoluted prank? And the witch, how were they in on it? Not that it mattered, their reasons and motivations weren’t important for my story. </p><p>Then I remembered, “Your story!” I said, rather loudly. </p><p>He stopped what he was doing, which was carefully using magic to pour a cup for me. “Yes?”</p><p>“I’m not dead! I can tell your story!” I stood back up, one hand on my hip the other pointing,  “That’s why you let me go isn’t it.”</p><p>“Sure,” he shrugged, “That definitely factored into it.”</p><p>Motherfucker! This also meant I wasn’t done with him. He was getting out a smaller place setting for me to sit at but I didn’t sit down, or drink the tea. </p><p>“I need- I need to write it all down!” I said, “I have a good memory, but I was under duress before. I need to hear it again. And write it down.“</p><p>The wizard smiled again, showing his teeth, but this time it did not scare me. </p><p>“Then let’s take this upstairs, shall we?”</p><p>He held out his hand and without hesitation I sat on it. I was placed on his shoulder and he took me, and the tea, to the workshop. </p><p>Amazingly he had a few blank notebooks that were human sized, and human sized pens. Nice ones too. And a human sized desk? The set up was perfect. </p><p>“Since I have until either you or the king dies, I can do proper research. I’ll need names and places and dates! And your parents, if you know how they met, that would make a great prologue!” </p><p>We worked well into the night.  My cup of tea got cold. </p><p>[FIN] IF YOU LIKED PLEASE COMMENT</p><p>FOR REFERENCE, HERE’S HOW THE SONG SOUNDS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VooU55wzSEc</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>THANKS FOR READING PLEASE COMMENT</p></blockquote></div></div>
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